Hi! I enjoyed the demo very much! I like the premise of your story, I’ve always been drawn to the slice-of-life tales. And I was impressed by the breadth of choices you give the reader to develop an MC that’s uniquely their own.
I do have one critique, though. With as much choice as you give the reader, I felt like those choices weren’t reflected in the way the story played out. For example, I created my MC as a bit of a rule following, straight A, over-achiever, and I made the selection that I was looking forward to graduation and being successful. Yet the story still read as if I was ready to get down and party—the option of being that friend the others have to drag to the party might be more applicable in this case. And the talk with the brother felt odd, too. I feel it would have played out differently if you were a little prudish or a strict rule follower, as opposed to if you had a history of partying or being rebellious. I think fleshing out the player’s choices more will really make the story more immersive.
I do think you have created the foundation for a truly wonderful story here, especially with how much control you give the reader, so I hope you don’t take this as any kind of deterrence. I’m definitely keeping my eye on this and looking forward to reading more!
Hey! Thank you so much for the feedback it's really helpful to get critiques like this. I get what you're saying about having some more straight edge classic overachiever dialouge and I'll definitely try to work on that. I've got a few player character archetypes that I'm still trying to flesh out.
As for the talk with Cameron, it's more so about his past experiences with some of his friends, than how he really views the MC. I do think this conversation could use some more choices and outcomes though.
All in all, you've given me a lot to think about and I'm really glad you cared enough to give me your honest first impressions.
Thank so much! Yes it does stop in the middle of the party, I had intended to get more completed but ran out of time. The next update will have the rest of the prologue and the first day of chapter 1.
I love it, the characters (especially Cam, our big bro), the background, the different paths we can choose, the fun, the drama 😀 I'm looking forward to more ❤
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Hi! I enjoyed the demo very much! I like the premise of your story, I’ve always been drawn to the slice-of-life tales. And I was impressed by the breadth of choices you give the reader to develop an MC that’s uniquely their own.
I do have one critique, though. With as much choice as you give the reader, I felt like those choices weren’t reflected in the way the story played out. For example, I created my MC as a bit of a rule following, straight A, over-achiever, and I made the selection that I was looking forward to graduation and being successful. Yet the story still read as if I was ready to get down and party—the option of being that friend the others have to drag to the party might be more applicable in this case. And the talk with the brother felt odd, too. I feel it would have played out differently if you were a little prudish or a strict rule follower, as opposed to if you had a history of partying or being rebellious. I think fleshing out the player’s choices more will really make the story more immersive.
I do think you have created the foundation for a truly wonderful story here, especially with how much control you give the reader, so I hope you don’t take this as any kind of deterrence. I’m definitely keeping my eye on this and looking forward to reading more!
Hey! Thank you so much for the feedback it's really helpful to get critiques like this. I get what you're saying about having some more straight edge classic overachiever dialouge and I'll definitely try to work on that. I've got a few player character archetypes that I'm still trying to flesh out.
As for the talk with Cameron, it's more so about his past experiences with some of his friends, than how he really views the MC. I do think this conversation could use some more choices and outcomes though.
All in all, you've given me a lot to think about and I'm really glad you cared enough to give me your honest first impressions.
ooooo, im already excited to see more >,< <333333
Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoingbit so far!
The game is going very well. The story is engaging and interesting. I'm looking forward to more!
Thank you so much! More is definitely coming...soonish.
love the demo already
Thank you so much!
I'm enjoying what you have so far and can't wait to see more! Question, is the demo supposed to end in the middle of the party?
Thank so much! Yes it does stop in the middle of the party, I had intended to get more completed but ran out of time. The next update will have the rest of the prologue and the first day of chapter 1.
Alright, thank you!
I love it, the characters (especially Cam, our big bro), the background, the different paths we can choose, the fun, the drama 😀 I'm looking forward to more ❤
Thanks so much! More is definitely coming soon...soonish.